He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
