My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
