You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
