I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
