The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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