There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
