Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
