Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
