On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
