When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
