I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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