nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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