VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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