She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
