I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
