she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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