i was born a porn star she said
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
