btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
