oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
