I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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