my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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