somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
