i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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