I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
