I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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