ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
