we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
