i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
