I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
