I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
how drunk are you?
Several
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
