his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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