OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
