Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
