You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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