he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
