I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
