If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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