She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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