I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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