U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
