He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
