I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
