The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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