I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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