I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
