five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
