Don't you send me to vm
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
