Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
