can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
