sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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