I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
