he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
