this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
