And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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