I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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