im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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