We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
