I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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