its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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