the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
