Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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