yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
