this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
