the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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