Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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