I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
