it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need a beard to bite.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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