i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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