We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
