she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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