so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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