i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's the barista slut.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
