he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Two words: blizzard sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
