i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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