I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
