I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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