Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
