Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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