DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
