do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
