I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
