I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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