Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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