I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
