someone get that fucking seahorse.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
