he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
