We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
