I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
