Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
