can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
