why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize