i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
