they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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